Chasing a rainbow

Having a baby was always in our plans and after having such a lovely first pregnancy which resulted in our beautiful, healthy daughter, wanting another to complete our little family was too easy a decision to make. Now, after the trauma and heartache of losing our second child, comes the time to decide whether we try to make another little life. Only this time it’s all of a sudden one of the toughest choices we’re likely ever to make. Long gone are the naive days that if we were to get two lines again they equal a happy ever after…

Don’t get me wrong, I worried throughout both pregnancies with the what ifs – completely natural for any mum to be. Now, however, worry and anxiety have been dramatically amplified. Having experienced the reality of that worry, how do you get through a pregnancy again, carrying that pain? How do you relax and believe that you will have your baby in your arms one day? How do you deal with the possibility of losing another when you couldn’t cope with losing one? Will my body even let us get far enough to know how we’d feel? Would we be more defeated if we didn’t even give it another go? So many questions, battling in my mind, all unanswered unless we make that ONE decision.

We have our ray of sunshine and when it rained, it bloody well poured. So we can either gather the strength to chase our rainbow or embrace the calm after the storm. Whatever we decide, I can find peace in the fact that I already have my pot of gold right here beside me.

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