A letter to the stars

Hello little one

You should be in the world with us today but as you couldn’t make it here, I wanted to write to you, in hope that somehow my words find their way.

Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you. I’ve craved the feeling of your kicks and the sound of your heartbeat and have gone through the pain of looking down at a body, so empty without you growing inside. Now, the struggle is dealing with the fact that you should be in my arms. I often watch your sister and wonder just how different the two of you would have been. I’ll never even know if you were a boy or a girl. I just close my eyes and imagine what it would be like to smell your baby scent and stroke your soft skin. I long to kiss your tiny toes and look into your sleepy eyes. The only certainty I have to keep, is that you will always be mine. You’re my baby who I love and I miss so very much.

We’re all going out today, to celebrate everything you are to us. As you haven’t got a birthday, your due date is the only day we have to hold onto. We want to remember the happiness you gave and not the sadness that came when we found out you were gone.

I wish you could know just how much I love you. As our second child, there will always be a hole in our family that only you could ever fill, the little piece of our puzzle that will only ever be a beautiful memory. Our child that we are only able to cherish from afar.

Although your existence was only brief, you have changed mine forever. You have taught me just how precious life truly is and have given me unimaginable love to share with my baby that’s here, a love that only a mothers heart that has lost can ever give. You have given me strength, although I feel incredibly weak, each day I go through without you makes me stronger. For someone who didn’t get to step a foot onto this world, you’ve left so many footprints in my heart.

Fly free little one, until we meet in the stars.

I love you today, tomorrow, for always

Your mummy xxx

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